Well today was definitely not one of my best days. I woke up still pretty tired, I have been exhausted the past couple of days I think the shifting weather is really messing with my allergies and or sinuses. I have basically been calling it a night once Davey goes to sleep at 7PM. Even then, Davey has been having more trouble sleeping at night so I am up quite a few times each evening with him. So in my foggy brain, I forgot to take my medicine this morning…
I think the best way of describing how I was feeling this morning once I got into work would be, crushing dread. Now I don’t know whether to blame this on the fatigue or missing my dose of Zoloft. I have had many people caution me that stopping Zoloft would be a very difficult thing to do; I never thought to ask the follow up question of “why?” This morning I wish I had. I felt if I could just put a finger on what was bothering me I would be able to better settle. Fortunately, as the day went on I found myself diving into my work which helps me to stay grounded. After pumping I ran through a quick mantra and yoga flow which I put together to help me whenever I get stressed. I begin by crouching myself into the tiniest ball I can make. I then tell myself, “I am grounded, with an open heart, my head faces towards the sun.” During which I transition from my crouch into a twisting chair pose with my arm extending toward the sky, looking towards my hand. I finish with, “Through the fire I rise,” where I come into a full stand pressing my arms through goddess arms into a full reach above my head. It feels amazing, not because it stretches my body, but if I match my breathing with the transitions it really helps relax me if I have any racing thoughts.
After finishing my work day I was mentally in a much better place but still physically exhausted. I found myself repeatedly trying to find an excuse not to do my workout. I did end up pushing myself through but it was not pretty and not very heart felt. At least I pulled it together and stuck with it. Here’s to hoping tomorrow goes a little bit better.